I am truly an uncommitted blogger as I haven't posted in over a year. Believe me, it is not for lack of material! I have spent the last nine months in search of myself, calling into question who I am and what I want from life and my significant relationships. I have found that I have the best friends in the world. They love and support me in ways that I never thought possible. I have made connections with new friends and discovered aspects of myself that I only dreamed I could bring into reality. Still, this has been one of the loneliest years of my life. I continue to doubt myself, question whether or not I am worthy of love, and crave attention. I feel lost and trapped at the same time. I have learned more about why I do what I do and feel how I feel, but the deep connection I seek eludes me. My fear is that no other person can give me what I seek, I must find it within myself. Will I have the courage to navigate the minefield of my soul? Will I ever learn to let go of the outcome and live in the moment? Will I lose everything I hold dear? Will fear rule me for the rest of my life?

Are These Marked Right?

I was getting dressed for work and I went to put on a new pair of tights because it was chilly today. As I am pulling and tugging and wrenching the tights onto my body, I am thinking, "They took this whole 'tights' thing way to seriously at the hosiery factory!" I finally get the allegedly "Q" sized tights up to my waist and they are seriously cutting off the circulation in my lower extremities. I wanted "control top", not "cut you in half top" Alas, I had to wear a different pair. This banal event actually had some significance in my life this morning. Seriously, this is as exciting as it gets around my house. Except when the Uncommitted Hubby and I sing old TV theme songs. Then we really rock. And our Uncommitted Daughter looks at us as if we are ready for the mental ward. Which we are. Aren't sentence fragments fun? I'm losing it.

The Moments That Make A Life

Sometimes I am taken by surprise that I have found the secret to a happy life. I only realize after the fact that I have given myself over to the moment and truly lived in the present. Sitting on the bed today helping my daughter put on makeup just for the fun of it. A Sunday morning picnic in the living room playing Scrabble with hubby and daughter. A raucous family dinner with hysterical laughter. Helping a friend feel better about a difficult situation. How did I get so lucky?

Thanks Mom!

Today, my sweet little daughter came home from kindergarten with little cards that had each letter of the alphabet and a picture. She had to recite the letter, tell what sound it made and say what each picture was. She told me that they went over them in school today. The note from the teacher said that we were to turn them in when all the letters, pictures and sounds were mastered. Well....we are ready to turn them in! Thanks to my mother, who took care of my daughter for the first three years of her life, my sweetie knew all the letters, sounds and pictures. Thanks Mom for all your hard work!

No News Is Good News

Today, I watched the six-thirty national news on our local affiliate. It reminded me why I do not watch the news. It was all death, disaster and mayhem. Home foreclosures, flooding, people dying and killing themselves. I understand that there is a certain amount of reality involved, but seriously, is there no good news at all? I have a friend who has been on a news blackout since January of this year. I think that is good. I personally only listen to the comedy channel on satellite radio. Even this is no safe haven. In the past month, two hilarious comics have died, one by accident and one by his own hand. The latter death makes me mad. He died from an overdose. What a waste.

Speaking of wastes of humanity, one of the news stories tonight featured a young college student who recently killed himself. His roommate secretly recorded him having a sexual encounter and posted it on the web. The man who killed himself happened to be homosexual, so many people are calling for the voyeur to be charged with a hate crime. I don't think that it was a hate crime. I don't think the roommate did what he did because the guy was gay. It was, however, a hateful thing to do. My question is this: Why not beat the shit out of the asshole who invaded your privacy and showed a callous disregard for your emotional well-being? Not able to beat people up? Hire someone! The guy who recorded and posted the intimate relations of his roommate deserves to have his ass kicked, even if there hadn't been a suicide as a result of his boorish behavior. I'm sure his parents are really proud.

Since this is a totally negative post, I must add to my list of pet peeves.

Today, a driver in the right lane decided to make an unsafe lane change, nearly taking off the front of my car. Thanks buddy! I really appreciate your lack of attention in this matter! I hope you don't take out a car full of kids someday. Hey, I have an idea: Why don't you look before you nearly ram your 2000 pound weapon into my vehicle? Believe me, if you had hit me, and I was able to walk after the crash, I would smack you in the face.

Women....If you use a public toilet, sit down on the seat. If you cannot bring yourself to make contact with the seat, please clean up after yourselves. If you cannot be considerate of the women who follow you into the bathroom, then squat in the bushes outside. I do not have any hang-ups about sitting on a public toilet seat, but I really don't like having a wet ass because the wussy in front of me has issues. By the way, the toilet seat is in fact the cleanest area in a public toilet. Where is the dirtiest? The sink.

That's all for me tonight. I think I've done enough damage for one day. One final thought: If you don't like the "bad" language I have used, fuck off.